Going Troppo

Most people in the sprawling suburbs that surround our cities don't really see the forest for the trees any more - because there ain't no forest and there ain't no trees.

And out of the many wonderful trees that exist, my favourites are fruit trees, which, once established, bare wonderful fruits, as their name suggests.

Any house with any space at all should have at least one fruit tree (or shrub). And if you're in the tropics and sub-tropics you've got the best deal on trees. I mean forget about the bloody crap you buy from the regular nurseries, the bloody palm trees and bottle brushes, the world's your flaming oyster! Get into growing something outside the little bourgeois quarter acre plot you've planted out in the style of Better Homes and Gardens.

Have a bit of fun with your life - grow some mangoes, grow some papayas, or, let's go one step further and go totally tropo and plant out your nature strip with pineapples. Pineapples aren't trees of course, they are type of bromeliad, but you get the picture. And the "homeboys" who try and climb over the suckers will get the picture when they get one of the pineapple's spiky leaves up their arse. (I'm diverging from my tree theme, but just a quick note: if you want to grow a pineapple, cut the spiky top off one that you've bought from the markets - make sure it's still green and cut it just below the spikes so you include a little of the flesh beneath - and just stick it into suitable soil, in Queensland, it's that rich volcanic stuff that's been sitting around for centuries, but experiment with whatever you've got at hand (or try growing them in large pots with good quality potting mixture), and keep it well watered. If the tops remain green after a few months, you've got it to strike - anyway, back to the trees).

If you are an inexperienced gardener, or not a gardener at all, perhaps you're a banker who just wants to grow a Jaboticaba (Myrciara Cauliflora) because you got bored during the summer off ratings TV season and decided to get onto the Internet and look up sites about tropical fruits. You can just find specialist nurseries - or places like Avocado Adventure Land near Tweed Heads in Northern New South Wales, where they sell many wonderful trees like Jaboticabas (which are actually shrubs by the way but you know I really just want to open you up to the possibilities, no need to get dogmatic, if you prefer a shrub, go for a shrub, work your way up to a tree, that's fine - it's a free country, grow whatever you like, just make sure you say it's for "personal use").

Jaboticabas taste a little like lychees. I planted one bush which I bought at Tropical Adventure Land (Go there - it beats the crap out of seeing some penned up polar bears at Seaworld) at my mother's house on the Gold Coast, and after about five years the thing finally fruited (after the nursery person had told me it would fruit the next bloody year!) and formed theses small balls with this beautiful white flesh (pictured above). This year the plant produced fruit in early October and as I write I am eating one. They do taste a little bitter and the skin is quite tough, so I advise just eating the centre, but watch out for the seeds which are rather large. I have been told by a Brazilian that they are very popular there, but they pronounce it "yaboticaba" the "ja" bit pronounced just like the German ja.

Was the flavour worth the wait? Is George Bush from Texas? Is the pope old and senile? Well I can't say categorically yes to all these questions - but at least with two of them. You can work out the math like they say in America.

Furthermore, you're not going to find these delightful fruits at the supermarket, in Australia at least, and if you do, you never going to get them as fresh as you do when you pick it yourself. And I'm not talking about putting your fingers up your nose either.

And if they look at you strange you can throw one of the very large fruits at the and tell them to suck on it.

There are many wonderful tropical fruits that I haven't mentioned here, below are some pictures of some that I have, and here are a few others that you may just like to look out for.. green sapote (Calocarpum varide org. Central America); Maprang (Bouea Macropyhlla org. South East Asia); Karanda (Carissa carandas org. India); and Acerola or Barbados Cherry (Malpighia glabra org. West Indies, Central and South America). The Acerola cherry is very rich in vitamin c and is a small bush which produces masses of red berries - it's great. Anyway there's so many more, buts there's just too many to mention here, just get out and get into it.